Current Reviews - Sobriety Test Movie Reviews

REVIEW: In Kick-Ass 2, Colonel Stars and Stripes' Justice Forever Fails to Deliver Against The Motherfcker's Toxic-Mega Cnts

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, August 17, 2013 In : 0.09% Cocktails

Kick-Ass 2

Directed By: Jeff Wadlow

Starring: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Chloë Grace Moretz, Jim Carrey, and Morris Chestnut

Many good movies don't need sequels. The Wolfpack never needed to hit the Strip (or any other place of debauchery for that matter) after their wild outing in The Hangover. Badass spy Bryan Mills had no need to go beat the hell out of Albanian baddies after the brutal hunt for his daughter throughout Paris in Taken. Cindy and Brenda certainly didn't...
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REVIEW: The Girl Next Door Linda Lovelace Obeys Her Husband Chuck Traynor and Becomes an Iconic Porn Star in Deep Throat

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, August 10, 2013 In : 0.09% Cocktails

Lovelace

Directed By: Rob Epstein and Jeffrey Friedman

Starring: Amanda Seyfried, Peter Sarsgaard, Sharon Stone, Adam Brody, Juno Temple, James Franco, Hank Azaria, and Bobby Cannavale

I'm no expert on the history of the pornographic industry, and I have no intentions of ever professing to be that. In all honesty, I've never seen Deep Throat, and I've never gone to an adult movie theater to see a sexploitation film. All of this old school stuff predates me. It's simply before my time. That b...
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REVIEW: In The Spectacular Now, Paper Girl Aimee Finecky Gets Alcoholic Sutter Keely to Write One Hell of a Personal Statement On Hardship

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, August 10, 2013 In : 0.00% Water

The Spectacular Now

Directed By: James Ponsoldt

Starring: Miles Teller, Shailene Woodley, Brie Larson, Jennifer Jason Leigh, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, and Kyle Chandler

The summer of coming-of-age movies is coming to a close. Before we say adios, I'd just like to say that it's been a fun ride. With films like Mud, The Kings of Summer, and The Way, Way Back, we simply haven't gone wrong. The closer for this summer is James Ponsoldt's The Spectacular Now, a daring comedy-drama that puts a new me...
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REVIEW: Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters – Rick Riordan’s Second Book In The Olympians’ Series Comes To Life

Posted by SoberFilmChick on Saturday, August 10, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Percy Jackson: Sea Of Monsters
SoberFilmChick

Directed by: Thor Freudenthal

Starring: Logan Lerman, Brandon T. Jackson, Alexandra Daddario, Leven Rambin, Stanley Tucci, and Nathan Fillion

In 2010, Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief debuted in theaters and grossed just over $226 million dollars worldwide. The reception to the first installment of the film adaptation of Rick Riordan’s best-selling book series was mixed at best, and it did not have the success of juggernauts li...

REVIEW: Meerkat Frey Forever Grabs All the Fruit She Can From Elysium While Standing on Hippo Max

Posted by James Brown on Friday, August 9, 2013 In : 0.03% Wine Coolers

Elysium

Directed By: Neill Blomkamp

Starring: Matt Damon, Jodie Foster, Sharlto Copley, Alice Braga, Diego Luna, Wagner Moura, and William Fichtner

2013 has been a pretty good year for sci-fi lovers. We've had plenty of fun with movies like Oblivion, Star Trek Into Darkness, and even Pacific Rim. If District 9 director Neil Blomkamp has anything to say about it, we're not done quite yet. Hitting theaters this weekend, his latest film Elysium is the last big science fiction film until the like...
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REVIEW: In Planes, Farm Boy and Love Machine Dusty Crophopper Takes His Wings Around the Globe, But Not Quite Around Greatness

Posted by James Brown on Friday, August 9, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Planes

Directed By: Klay Hall

Starring: Dane Cook, Stacy Keach, Priyanka Chopra, Brad Garrett, Teri Hatcher, Cedric the Entertainer, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Roger Craig Smith, Gabriel Iglesias, John Cleese, Carlos Alazraqui, Val Kilmer, Anthony Edwards, Colin Cowherd, Sinbad, Oliver Kalkofe, and Brent Musburger

The unprecedented onslaught of children’s movies continues this weekend with Planes. The spin-off to Cars, which was originally slated for straight-to-VOD release, is hitting theaters now...
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REVIEW: Counting to Three & Chasing TLC's Waterfalls, The Millers Bring a Smidge and a Half of Pablo Chacon's Marijuana But No Comedy

Posted by James Brown on Wednesday, August 7, 2013 In : 0.09% Cocktails

We're the Millers

Directed By: Rawson Marshall Thurber

Starring: Jason Sudeikis, Jennifer Aniston, Emma Roberts, Will Poulter, Ed Helms, and Nick Offerman

The universe has a strange way of telling us the most mundane things sometimes. For me, it comes in the form of Nick at Nite. When I was growing up, shows like I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, and The Brady Bunch were on Nickelodeon in the wee hours of the night. As time went on, Nick moved to somewhat younger shows including The Jeffersons, ...
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REVIEW: In I Give It a Year, I Never Knew Love Like This Before

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, August 4, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

I Give It a Year

Directed By: Dan Mazer

Starring: Rose Byrne, Rafe Spall, Anna Faris, Simon Baker, Stephen Merchant, Minnie Driver, Jason Flemyng, and Olivia Colman

In my review of Drinking Buddies recently, I wrote about the fact that romance films are an endangered species. Naturally, a romantic comedy hits theaters as soon as I say that. The British rom com I Give It a Year has made its way across the pond, and I just have to say that I never knew love like this before. It's a quirky film ...
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REVIEW: Popping Xanax Pills and Talking to Herself, Blue Jasmine Can't Get Past Her Past With Hal and That Fateful Song Blue Moon

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, August 3, 2013 In : 0.03% Wine Coolers

Blue Jasmine

Directed By: Woody Allen

Starring: Alec Baldwin, Cate Blanchett, Bobby Cannavale, Louis C.K., Andrew Dice Clay, Sally Hawkins, Peter Sarsgaard, and Michael Stuhlbarg

"Anxiety, nightmares, and a nervous breakdown. There's only so many traumas a person can take ‘til they take to the streets and start screaming."
-Jasmine (Cate Blanchett)

It's that time of the year again. Woody Allen has another film out. However, that shouldn't come as a shock since the beloved director has been pu...
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REVIEW: With a Looming Smurf-a-geddon, & One Naughty Smurfette, the Smurfs Clan & the Winslow-Doyles Smurf It Up Too Much in The Smurfs 2

Posted by James Brown on Friday, August 2, 2013 In : 0.09% Cocktails

The Smurfs 2

Directed By: Raja Gosnell

Starring: Neil Patrick Harris, Brendan Gleeson, Jayma Mays, Katy Perry, Hank Azaria, Christina Ricci, Jonathan Winters, J.B. Smoove, George Lopez, and Anton Yelchin

Maybe it's just me, but this summer has had one too many movies for kids. With Epic, Monsters University, Despicable Me 2, and Turbo, there's been a glut of animated movies, and it's about time I voice my disapproval. The summer movie season is about catering to the young, but Hollywood has go...
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