Showing Tag: " vampire" (Show all posts)

REVIEW: Creative Comedy Is What We Vampires Do in the Shadows During the Unholy Masquerade

Posted by James Brown on Friday, February 27, 2015, In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

What We Do in the Shadows

Directed By: Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement

Starring: Taika Waititi, Jemaine Clement, Rhys Darby, Jonathan Brugh, Cori Gonzalez-Macuer, and Stu Rutherford

Vampire movies have been getting increasingly creative over the last several years. 2013's Kiss of the Damned wasn't particularly enjoyable, but it certainly broke the mold for vampire flicks. Last year's post-modern drama Only Lovers Left Alive gave us some cool vampires portrayed by Tilda Swinton, Tom Hiddlesto...
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REVIEW: Prince Vlad Dracula, Son of the Devil, Goes to the Untold Broken Tooth Mountain to Protect His People From the Turks

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, October 12, 2014, In : 0.09% Cocktails

Dracula Untold

Directed By: Gary Shore

Starring: Luke Evans, Sarah Gadon, Dominic Cooper, Art Parkinson, and Charles Dance

It's another weekend and yet another reminder that every other Hollywood studio wants to be Marvel. With blockbusters Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Guardians of the Galaxy perpetuating the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it's easy to see why everyone else is so envious. While Fox had an excellent outing with X-Men: Days of Future Past in May, the film i...
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REVIEW: Given the Contaminated O Negative Zombie Blood in Detroit & Tangier, Only Vampire Lovers Adam & Eve Are Left Alive

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, April 20, 2014, In : 0.03% Wine Coolers

Only Lovers Left Alive

Directed By: Jim Jarmusch

Starring: Tom Hiddleston, Tilda Swinton, Mia Wasikowska, Anton Yelchin, John Hurt, and Jeffrey Wright

When it comes to movies, I love to be proven wrong. I'm happy when a movie exceeds my expectations (provided that it's good). I'm happy when a movie is not what I envisioned and is something different (better) altogether. One thing I've noticed is that this happens far more often in independent cinema than mainstream. I guess that shouldn't be...
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REVIEW: For the Shadow-Kissed Dhampir Rose Hathaway Bound to Royal Moroi Lissa Dragomir, Weird Doesn't Begin to Cover It in Vampire Academy

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, February 9, 2014, In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Vampire Academy

Directed By: Mark Waters

Starring: Zoey Deutch, Danila Kozlovsky, Lucy Fry, Dominic Sherwood, Olga Kurylenko, Cameron Monaghan, Sami Gayle, Ashley Charles, Claire Foy, Sarah Hyland, Gabriel Byrne, and Joely Richardson

With the Harry Potter franchise wrapping up almost three years ago and The Hunger Games series concluding in the very near future, studios are on the hunt for the next big literary adaptation. 2013 boasted mostly mediocre additions to the niche genre including Beau...
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REVIEW: With Clary, Jace, and Bach, The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones Offers Some Pretty Mundane Shadow Hunters

Posted by James Brown on Friday, August 23, 2013, In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Directed By: Harald Zwart

Starring: Lily Collins, Jamie Campbell Bower, Robert Sheehan, Kevin Zegers, Lena Headey, Kevin Durand, Aidan Turner, Jemima West, Godfrey Gao, CCH Pounder, Jared Harris, and Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Casting can make or break a movie. That's never been more apparent than this weekend. With the announcement that Ben Affleck will be donning the cape and mask of the Dark Knight in the Man of Steel sequel, there has been a swift and harsh ...
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REVIEW: Unfortunately for Vampires Clara and Eleanor, Neil Jordan Throws the Pages of Their Story at Byzantium to the Wind

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, July 14, 2013, In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Byzantium

Directed By: Neil Jordan

Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Gemma Arterton, Sam Riley, Jonny Lee Miller, and Caleb Landry Jones

As prevalent as vampire movies are, it's difficult to find a good one. The ones we've gotten in recent years say enough. Just go torture yourself with Twilight, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, or Kiss of the Damned. Like the horror genre as a whole, it's bad, but it just keeps on going. When Neil Jordan, the director who created the delightfully devilish show The B...
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REVIEW: Kiss of the Damned Is One Steamy Erotic Mess of a Vampire Movie

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, May 11, 2013, In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

Kiss of the Damned

Directed By: Xan Cassavetes

Starring: Josephine de La Baume, Roxane Mesquida, Milo Ventimiglia, and Anna Mouglalis

As the owner of Sobriety Test and its webmaster, I try to regularly stay abreast of comments by readers checking out reviews all over the site. I would like to say thank you to all those who take the time to contribute to the discourse here on this small website. Whether encouraging, enthused, or critical of my reviews, I do appreciate all of your comments and l...
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REVIEW: With the Merchant of Venice and the Loch Ness Monster, Breaking Dawn Part 2 Almost Breaks the Crappy Twilight Mold

Posted by James Brown on Friday, November 16, 2012, In : 0.09% Cocktails

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2

Directed By: Bill Condon

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, and Michael Sheen

It's finally over! After three novels, four years, and countless bad performances, the Twilight plague is finally over! After enduring the first four films, I came to the final installment The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 ready to break out the shot glasses. I had every right to be. After all...

REVIEW: Hotel Transylvania May Be Paradise for Monsters, But It's Not My Zing

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, September 30, 2012, In : 0.09% Cocktails

Hotel Transylvania

Kids' Rating:

Adults' Rating:

Directed By: Genndy Tartakovsky

Starring: Adam Sandler, Selena Gomez, Andy Samberg, Kevin James, Fran Drescher, John Lovitz, Cee Lo Green, Steve Buscemi, Molly Shannon, and David Spade

Animated films have really taken a dark turn in recent weeks. While we had lighter films like The Lorax and Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted earlier in the year, we've now got studios bringing all kinds of monsters, ghouls, and witches to life for the kids. We...

REVIEW: Blood Is Thicker Than Water, But Barnabas Fights on for the Collins Family in Vain in Dark Shadows

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, May 12, 2012, In : 0.09% Cocktails

Dark Shadows

Directed By: Tim Burton

Starring: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Eva Green, Jackie Earle Haley, Jonny Lee Miller, Chloë Grace Moretz, and Bella Heathcoate

When 21 Jump Street came out back in March, we all thought it was just another adaptation of a TV show to the big screen. What was the point of bringing the 80s show back to life? When Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum proved us wrong however, we couldn't have been happier. I was hoping Dark Shadows, an adap...
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REVIEW: Underworld Is a Kickass Awakening to the Vampire & Werewolf Genre

Posted by James Brown on Friday, January 20, 2012, In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Underworld: Awakening

Directed By: Måns Mårlind and Björn Stein

Starring: Kate Beckinsale, Sandrine Holt, Theo James, Michael Ealy, and India Eisley

What ever happened to the good old fashioned movies with vampires and werewolves beating the holy hell out of each other? Those were the good old days. Then, Twilight arrived and forever tainted the vampire and werewolf genre. That series threw romance into the picture and created insanely popular crap. Before Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattins...
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REVIEW: Like Bella, I Have Nightmares. Last Night, I Dreamt About Twilight

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, November 19, 2011, In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

Directed By: Bill Condon

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner

I always try to see the best in movies, but sometimes films are just so crappy that they're downright nightmarish. In my first official review of a Twilight film, I wanted to give a decent review. I wanted to be nice and not piss off those diehard Twilight fans, but the temptation to trash this crappy film is just too great. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part...
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