Retro Reviews - Sobriety Test Movie Reviews

REVIEW: The Hangover Part II – Holler! City Of Squalor!

Posted by SoberFilmChick on Thursday, May 23, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

The Hangover Part II
SoberFilmChick

Directed by: Todd Phillips

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Justin Bartha, and Paul Giamatti

With the release of The Hangover Part III imminent, STMR continues its retro review series of the Hangover trilogy with The Hangover Part II. Like most sequels, The Hangover Part II suffers in comparison to its predecessor. The first movie was so ridiculously hilarious and original, that it was impossible for the sequel to outdo or ev...

REVIEW: In Fast & Furious, One Bad Judgement Call is the Difference Between Cop Brian O'Conner and Criminal Dom Toretto

Posted by James Brown on Thursday, May 23, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

Fast & Furious

Directed By: Justin Lin

Starring: Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jordana Brewster

"I don't know about your other drivers, but when I see flashing lights in my mirror, I don't stop."
-Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel)

Fast & Furious is the third sequel to The Fast and the Furious, yet it is the first true sequel to the original film with all the principal cast members reprising their roles, including Vin Diesel in his leading role as Dominic Toretto. It's a damn shame t...
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REVIEW: The Fast and the Furious Somehow Drifts to Tokyo

Posted by James Brown on Thursday, May 23, 2013 In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift

Directed By: Justin Lin

Starring: Lucas Black, Sung Kang, Bow Wow, Brian Tee, Nathalie Kelley, Jason Tobin, and Vin Diesel

The Fast & Furious franchise has had a very unusual path to becoming a global box office phenomenon. The Fast and the Furious was a decent but hardly memorable racing film that had some cool one-liners, hot chicks, and slick 10 second cars. 2 Fast 2 Furious was a solid spinoff starring Paul Walker and a brand new supporting cast. With...
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REVIEW: Rounders is Still the Best Film Depicting Card Games

Posted by James Guill of PokerListings on Thursday, May 16, 2013

Rounders

Directed By: John Dahl

Starring: Matt Damon, Edward Norton, John Turturro, Famke Janssen, Gretchen Mol, John Malkovich, and Martin Landau

When the 1998 film Rounders was first released, fans of the game of poker hailed it for being one of the most realistic portrayals of poker in cinema history. Since the film's release, the game of Texas Hold'em has exploded and is now the most popular form of poker in the world. In the 15 years that has followed, several filmmakers have tried to imi...
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REVIEW: The Hangover – Not You Fat Jesus, Slide It On Back

Posted by SoberFilmChick on Tuesday, May 14, 2013 In : 0.00% Water

The Hangover
SoberFilmChick

Directed by: Todd Phillips

Starring: Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Justin Bartha, Heather Graham, and Jeffrey Tambor

What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Don't you worry your pretty striped head, we're gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then we're gonna find our best friend Doug, and then we're gonna give him a best frien...

REVIEW: Brian & Roman Are Definitely Hungry in 2 Fast 2 Furious, But Their Pockets Ain't Empty

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, May 4, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

2 Fast 2 Furious

Directed By: John Singleton

Starring: Paul Walker, Tyrese, Eva Mendes, Cole Hauser, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges, Thom Barry, and James Remar

While The Fast and the Furious was just a good racing movie, it made more than its fair share of cheddar. That's why it's no surprise that studio execs had its sequel 2 Fast 2 Furious in cinemas in just two short years. They were hungry for some more easy money. That being said, the curious thing about this second installment in the franchi...
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REVIEW: In Superman III, Richard Prior Happens to Be a Computer Genius. Seriously???

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, May 4, 2013 In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

Superman III

Directed By: Richard Lester

Starring: Christopher Reeve, Richard Pryor, Jackie Cooper, Marc McClure, Annette O'Toole, Annie Ross, Pamela Stephenson, Robert Vaughn, and Margot Kidder

We've come to the point in this Superman retro series where I have to deliver some harsh truths. First and foremost, we haven't had a good Superman flick in over 30 years. It saddens me to say that Superman II was the last great movie about our favorite Kryptonian donning red and blue tights. Since th...
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REVIEW: Toretto and O'Conner May Be a Match Made in Hell, But They Sure are Fast and Furious Street Racers

Posted by James Brown on Sunday, April 21, 2013 In : 0.06% Beer or Wine

The Fast and the Furious

Directed By: Rob Cohen

Starring: Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordana Brewster, Matt Schulze, Thom Barry, and Johnny Strong

“Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's winning.”
-Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel)

That's a quote I've taken to heart over the last twelve years. Of course, I still always enjoy spanking an opponent, whether competing athletically, intellectually, or electronically. In the end, ho...
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REVIEW: Scary Movie 4 Sucks. It Just Sucks...

Posted by James Brown on Saturday, April 13, 2013 In : 0.12% Hard Liquor

Scary Movie 4

Directed By: David Zucker

Starring: Anna Faris, Regina Hall, Craig Bierko, Bill Pullman, Anthony Anderson, Carmen Electra, Chris Elliott, Kevin Hart, Cloris Leachman, Michael Madsen, Phil McGraw, Leslie Nielsen, Shaquille O'Neal, and Molly Shannon

I will always regard Scary Movie 2 as one of the worst movies of all time, but Scary Movie 4 is not far behind it. Spoofing The Grudge, The Village, and War of the Worlds, David Zucker shows that he’s great at limbo because his second ...
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REVIEW: Spoofing Signs and The Ring, Scary Movie 3 Makes It Clear That the Hood Has Always Got Your Back

Posted by James Brown on Thursday, April 11, 2013 In : 0.09% Cocktails

Scary Movie 3

Directed By: David Zucker

Starring: Anna Faris, Simon Rex, Charlie Sheen, Leslie Nielsen, Anthony Anderson, Kevin Hart, Camryn Manheim, George Carlin, Pamela Anderson, Jenny McCarthy, Drew Mikuska, Jianna Ballard, Denise Richards, and Regina Hall

It suffices to say that I don't have a whole lot of love for the Scary Movie franchise. Who can blame me though? I think of Cindy, Brenda, Shorty, and Ray, and I remember some of the most nightmarishly awful cinematic experiences of my l...
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